Hard-won knowledge about the World of Work

OK, I am going to lay out some of my hard-won knowledge about the world of work.  Please feel free to chime in with your own nuggets of insight.

  1. If you work with a good-looking (I mean really good looking, like movie star cute) guy, assume he is either stupid or lazy, or both.  Now, to be fair, this is not ALWAYS the case, I know at least two guys who are that cute but still great to work with.  It’s just a general rule of thumb; proceed at your own risk.
  2. If someone puts on a goofy act, the chances are he’s hiding some massive insecurity that will rise up and bite you when you least expect it.  Assume he considers you and all others a threat until proven otherwise.
  3. If someone has a military style haircut, it’s true.  He’s former military.  I have never, ever, seen this one fail.  So he’s a hard case, and there are no excuses for any failure on your part.
  4. If a guy is really nice to you at work for no apparent reason, he’s trying to set the stage to dump some of his work off on you.  This may not be true if you are an attractive woman, but if you’re average like me, there’s no reason for a guy to pay you any exceptional attention unless he thinks you will be stupid enough to do his work for him and smart enough to do it well.
  5. When someone comes over to your cube with puppy-dog eyes, he is going to ask you a very stupid question, possibly a question he has already asked you at least once before.  Take deep breaths.
  6. If you ask someone for something, and they don’t do it, and you ask again, and they still don’t do it, if you ask a third time you will be a bitch regardless of the situation or whether it was your fault.  Therefore, when you ask the second time, give the person so much information or detail on how they should go about doing the thing you asked them that it will be obvious you think they are an idiot, and make sure to copy as many people as you can, and put a return receipt on it.  Mention in there that this is the second request, or forward the original request.  Forget about being nice, there is no place for it with the terminally inept or lazy people who do this regularly.

I wrote this at my previous job, where there were a lot of people with issues.  I got out of there as quickly as I could, before any permanent damage was done.  Note that most of these apply to my male co-workers, although I found that #6 was an equal opportunity problem.

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